Thoughts for the day

2011 comes and goes

And whilst the achievements we were expecting to have done have not all been, er, achieved. We are certainly on the right track at the moment.  It’s been a very, very hard year, and had it not been for an awful lot of support from friends and family I’m not entirely sure how I would have got through it.

Off in the wrong direction

I’ve learned to trust my gut over the past 30 odd years and am rarely wrong on the big decisions for it.  But sometimes my lack of patience makes me override that feeling.  The most damaging time for that was the beginning of the year and the repercussions are to some extent being felt today.  Main lesson learned? Check people’s credentials out carefully. If they say they worked for one of the largest film companies, make sure that it was not front of house at their local cinema. At the level we are working on, that just don’t cut the mustard they were putting on your hotdogs. It’s also a time when you realise some people will take advantage of you and never expect to deliver anything.  But that’s okay, they will put the blame firmly on your shoulders. The rub is we have some very competent people in charge of the big project now, and it’s bigger and better then ever before.

On the right track

The script has come on leaps and bounds and Si and I feel we are back in control of it. The dirge dialog that we were forced to include has long since disappeared and some of our favorite moments have re-appeared. We have even been lucky enough to have some Script master class time with our friend and mentor Mike. We’ve learned so much about story and characters that our original ramblings and attempts at writing seam to be a distant memory. I’m not sure I even want to read them again, though I might as a form of inspiration. I often wonder how we were so lucky as to find such a strong group of people to help us into this harsh business.  At the moment we can only repay them one way and that’s by working hard and proving that we have listened to everything they have told us, that we have improved through our associations.

On Set

I also got back on set this year, and met some childhood hero’s  without any real disappointment.  Whilst my expectation of the film are held realistically low, I did get to meet and make friends with some very talented individuals who I really would like to work with again. It was also nice to start the whole thing of as a Head of Department with authority from the off.  Although my hands were tied with regards to dealing with some of the laziest in for themselves wankers anybody could hope to meet.  Hopefully they will learn that their are many other people that can do their jobs, they are not special.  For me though it was a great chance to prove how much I’ve learned and do a good job.  They film, I’ll leave that up to the director and producers.

SFC

The first year without a season ticket in ages, and I still blame those charlatans for putting Baz and myself in financial jeopardy.  Worst still we have only seen the mighty Southampton a few times this year, and as we start the new year we are at the top of the Championship.  That’s something they will never be able to give back to me, and I will never forgive. Hopefully next year we will get to go to see them more regularly back in the Premiership.  Hugely optimistic.

Tech

Still learning, and the film will be shot in a very new and state of the art format, which is very exciting.

So

On with the year, it’s set to be very exciting and there is much work to do, but one hope that this time next year No Balls will be in the charts :)

Laters,

Chalkster

Yes I know I’d been told

Every time we do a project we get that little bit closer to getting the final result.  Even I see the improvement in my work project on project.   The only rub for me is I dream each and everyone continually as I work on them and as time moves forward.  Songs, text, dialog… All spinning around my head continually.

Latest Video…

Which I have to say I’m very pleased with and it’s getting a nice number of hits, which is great for me and Shattered Dreams. I also got to do an Edit for an F1 driver, but because of copy-write issues. I can’t publish that for you chap’s to see. I wish I could.

I have a say

I think next year will be a very, very busy one!

Laters,

Chalkster

The aging process

Life doesn’t really stop for anybody does it? I realised the other day that I’ve had my mobile number for 17 years or more.  That whilst I’ve been focused on making it as a film director, that I’ve become fat and live has whizzed by. I don’t mind getting older, in many respects I’m better for it.  I certainly could not have been making a film as good as No Balls without the maturity that the aging process has furnished me with.  It’s just sometimes you ponder these things.  But this time next year I should have achieved my lifetimes ambition.  And not many people when I was younger would have believed me  capable of doing that.  So I’m about to have nearly everything I ever wanted.  Still I feel a little empty.

So we do stupid things

We do, I haven’t talked about this for a while, but I guess one of my driving forces was an ex girlfriend, still the love of my life though I’m hopeful not the only one, and I am a believer. I don’t think we had a messy break up, but I was heart broken and mourned for seven years, which only stopped after a profound dream.  The thing is she told me that I would never amount to anything, that I’d never be an importent member of society.  Worst of all that I would never go to the theater.  Now don’t get me wrong, this was horrible, but its one of the major motivators in my life. I’m not worried particularly what society thinks of me though I would like to make a difference I guess.  Retrospectively and pointed out by my brother, this was probably the words of her mother, not hers. And she did apologise for saying it, time and time again, but the damage had set in. The only way I could deal with the pain in the end was to shut her out of my life. Which bar a few chance encounters and a few emails about ten years ago, I have done.  So why then did I decide it was time to look her up? 15 years after the split?  I don’t know it’s almost very self destructive.  I have no idea  what I was hoping to achieve? I think part of me wanted her to be unhappy, ugly and lonely. Of course she is Happy, successful, married and a mother; all the things she should be. And I’m happy for her.  I look at my life and I know whats missing, it’s that partnership and being a parent.  Don’t get me wrong I love my life, my friends, my animals and that I get to make films.

Would you change things then?

When I look back I can’t blame the girl for ending it, I was depressed, I took too many pain-killers and my glass was always half empty.  I would have dumped the old me. Had I been a different person, or had we met as older people then perhaps things could have been different. But that’s not to be, and without all those things happening, would I be the person I am now? I doubt it very much.  I feel a little sad at the moment, but I’ve a funny feeling I just needed closure before I could finish this thing I’ve started. My life is close to being what I’ve always wanted and I need to vanquish my daemons and move on with it. Hopefully without hurting anybody in the process.

Laters,

Chalkster